Corazón Condición

"A silent explosion in the back of my mind burst open a wall that was carefully constructed through meticulous mental exercises that go by the names Ignorance and Obliviousness.

"El amor es realmente ciego... Pero, ¿por qué importa?

"Settle the dust that has been kicked into the air. Focus beyond it... Through the cloud... See what floats on the other side. Try what might not work. Hope it will. Hope it rests. Hope it settles.

"Mi corazón condición... No es tan frágil... Qué no mata lo hace más fuerte...

"Try, try, try. Hope this isn't one-way. Seek approval in affluent alliteration. Prove power in penned phrases. Avoid annoyance. Stay away from irritation. Strive to maintain a steadier status quo.

"I am not fluent in Spanish by any means. This is not a message. This is not an idea. This is the fusion of my heart and my mind. I hope you understand. I don't mean to sound dramatic. But they need to be separated."

Days

It seems like that day once spent with you
Will happen for a second every day until the end

But I loathed the idea that you would become
A tradition to spend for relative eternity

You are not to be a number lost among the days
Eleven twenty-eight is not my burden

Birthdays make more sense to me that way
To mark the progression of our age
And you don't have to wait
You are conscious of nothing

Your mind is nothing but you are part of mine
You are in my today, my tomorrow, my steps onward

Remembrance of gain over reminiscence of loss
Why is it instinctual to cling so tightly?
To protect one from becoming a forgotten thought?
That kind of grip wrinkles and distorts

I said goodbye to you, my friend...
I am not going to hold on...
But I will meet you when you walk again...
And catch up on days between us passed...

Synchronicity

Perfection is another world
Outside our state of mind
But in our moments of synchrony
It is not so hard to find

In those brief moments of ours
We discover immersion
I perpetually endeavor toward
These helpful diversions

You hold onto memories...
I love the way you hold them...
Gripped tightly, yet fondled gently...
Careful not to fold them...

Perfection is an embellishment
What can we be but emulsified souls?
Together in wonderment
Synchronicity within our molds

Question

Poised to form a question
Too early to ask
I gather hesitation
Still, the moment

It is filled with you
It is entranced
A question would off-set
What is balanced

But someday the question
Will escape from my tongue
Out through my mouth
From empty lungs

The silence will stun
You'll be stunned, too
The question, I won't regret
But what about you?

Distractions will have passed
The question ever lingers
The silence won't last
Behold, the moment...

...And trembling fingers

Dramedy

Poems to write to share for free
What friends would like to relate with
Or find some kind of dramedy
And envisage the scenes inside a storm

A vindictive vignettist she proves to be
When friends appraise and adore the myth
Abashed to admit it, I regard the dramedy
As required and meaningless free-form

Probably presumptuous and clearly off-kilter
Distracting, dramatic and surely sarcastic
It's almost not there, this dramedy
The result of contingent explosion

Presenting a challenge, an obstacle within her
Becoming the comedic, strange and eclectic
It's almost gone now, this dramedy
Faded through constant erosion


Can not let it go, so she sets it aflame
I'm finished, put-down and relieved

Cast it out, then reel it back in
-- Now imagine to again begin

Filled with a resolve, malfeasance, contentment and shame...

...This Dramedy is lame.

Old Poems

Fire is fascinating, don't you think?
It means life as well as death.
Smoke is annoying, and that's the link.
It cut off my attempted breath...

Old poems to burn, new ones to share.
New poems are written in bursts.
This should be reverted, yet I don't care.
It feels all too familiar, rehearsed.

We talk in circles, would you not say?
Until one of us spins off-course.
I did not feel the joy that we should have today.
Not joy unfelt by remorse.

Cheer up, now, as I'm sure you can.
Do not believe in the wasting of time.
Insolent once, but in a reaffirmed plan,
I'm currently not wasting mine.

Multitudinous Mirror Modicums

To stare at the sight of this unfathomed loveliness is comparable to nothing I know of at all. To stare through a window into organized solar systems - to fly through fleeting constellations of ethereal magnificence - it's a view only slightly imaginable and all but briefly intangible. Yet, I see it, catch wonderment, then in a moment it's gone like a flash before the sunrise. It seems to have reflected over ripples in my mind, but its elegant grace I cannot recreate. The ripples do not ever calm enough to capture what I'm surprisingly not blinded by... The wonderment. The loveliness. Irreplaceable through imagination. It soars through my cosmos. It stabilizes my soul...


Open.

Your.

Mind.

I didn't dwell long on those words. Though it seemed like time had stopped, and it could have felt like several minutes, it wasn't even a second.


"Frankly, I honestly don't know what you're talking about."

His double-affirmative was yet another tell. And I can't let him get away this time. "Really? So then... Why'd you look so scared when you saw us walk through the door?"

Fleeting, microsecond anxiety. Then he was calm again. "I told you. It wasn't fear. I was just... Caught off guard, you know? I wasn't the only one surprised to see you come in, you know." He looked at the tables around him, back at me. He wasn't wrong, of course. Nobody likes to see cops in here. "How 'bout you talk to Moby," he continued. "If anyone in this place knew about your friend, he did."

Somehow, he sensed that we had nothing on him, and his complacency now showed through. He thinks he's in the clear. You don't have to be a good liar to be a good criminal, and most successful criminals weren't. You just have to be careful, and he certainly was.


How did it take me this long to realize? "Open your mind" was the exact same phrase. He said it with the exact same cadence. It was him all along.

I couldn't stop myself from feeling idiotic, if only briefly.


"Stay away from me."
"Whyy???"
"Do you have any idea how irritating you are right now?"
"What?"
"It's... Beyond definition."
"And you stumble. Again."
"Yes, I know. How typical of me. Just leave me alone."
"Sorry, but no."
"I don't have time for you."
"I know. Because I'm just so 'irritating'."
"Yes. Precisely. Now leave."
"Well, I just can't do that. If I left now, you'd never break out of this mood."
"You could stand to be less stubborn. I want to be alone."
"You could stand to be less of a jerk. You jerk."
"Go away."
"No."
"Please? Please leave?"
"Oh, so now you're a polite jerk... But still, no."


More dinner guests were expected to come, but that hardly was my concern anymore. I ran out the door, jumped into my old Celica and turned the key. In this temperature, she was a fussbudget. Her engine wouldn't start. I did not have time for...

There he was. He stood directly behind my car, perfectly in view in the rear mirror. He smiled and waved. No, he smirked and beckoned. I wished the car had started. Then I could back up over him.


Scatterbrain! Where did you put your focus? What did you do with your appetence? Are you really so intently self-aware? Did you really expect this to happen? If you did, then by not preventing it you are simply inoperable. You need to do better next time. If you set up a plan and stay with it, there's a chance you'll actually like the results. Try, try, try. Pick yourself up off the ground! If you can't do it now, you can't ever do it. So move! Move!

What was I talking about? Oh, yes... Fruit.

Now about that apple...

It was an honest lie. Really.

He knocked on the window with two knuckles. I was reluctant, and I didn't comply with his gesture to roll the window down. Instead, I cracked open the door and slid out so I could defend myself on two feet. He towered over me while holding an intentionally-stupid grin on his naturally-dumb face, but I felt a heavy pulse in every vein of my body as my heart hammered. I looked around - no one else was outside. No one else could see me from behind my car.

"Has your mind been opened?" I can see he's crazy. I look into his eyes, and I see crazy.

"...Yes." And there was a long moment of absolute silence. At least, that's what it seemed like. He didn't speak, I didn't speak, the birds didn't chirp, the air didn't stir, the ground didn't shake, the Earth didn't spin. Time stopped, and then he winked. And then I ran for my life.


"You're the one being a jerk, really."
"Most people consider persistence to be an admirable trait..."
"It's rather rude of you to stay here after I've told you directly to..."
"You're not too unstubborn yourself, you know."
"...That's it. Get out of my face."
"Ouch. That's mean."
"Leave!"
"You leave!"
"What?!"
"Yeah! How about you get out of my face!"
"Oh, I would. But you're in my room."
"Wow. It's almost like you've been cornered. It's almost like... I planned this..."
"What do you want?!"
"Hmm... World peace."
"Meltri!"
"Ok, fine... I want... Oh, could you recite a poem for me?"
"..."
"What? You don't know any?"
"Meltri..."
"I know one... Hmm... How does it go?"
"You..."
"Melons, melons..."
"...Really shouldn't..."
"Melons everywhere!"
"...Press my patience..."
"Melons in my hand. Melons in my hair!"
"Please get out before you destroy my nerves."
"How did you like that poem? I just made it up. Oh, I have another one! Hmm... There once was a melon named Meltri. She sat up high in a tree..."


An apple doesn't seem to lean any one way. But once you've taken a bite, you've realized the orchard. How can you step away from that? There should be nothing else as important. No other fruit can take precedence, yet you seem to relegate the apple to the back of the line. But it's always there. Others brighten and fade. But it's still there in the back of your mind. Oranges come as a distraction. You only pretend to like peaches.

What in the world am I talking about? Oh, yes. Your focus.

Now about that self-awareness...

Okay, okay. I'm sorry. But the complete truth would have been a lie.

"Ok... You can stay if you shut up."
"Hooray!"
"Wow, I have a serious headache."
"Aww... You're just saying that. So what did you think of that poem?"
"What has gotten into you? How many melons did you eat?"
"You should not answer questions with more questions."
"Do you know how much sugar's in those?"
"Do you know how you shouldn't answer questions? Or do I need to remind you?"
"Ok, sheesh... Umm... Well, you rhymed 'Meltri' with 'tree'... Right after naming a melon after yourself..."
"No, I didn't name a melon after myself. How uninsightful. I was the melon!"
"Uh-huh. Of course."
"Isn't this fun? I bet you now regret telling me to get out of your face..."
"Uh-huh. Of course."
"You're just trying to ignore me now, aren't you?"
"Uh-huh. Of course."
"Well... That's fine."
"Uh-huh. Of course."
"I know you're still listening."
"Uh-huh. Of course."
"So... I bet you think I'm the most wonderful, beautiful person you've ever met."
"..."
"Uh-huh. Of course that didn't work."


I didn't look back. All effort was being placed in not tripping. I didn't tie my shoes properly when I left the house, and now the laces had come undone. I was outside the neighborhood now, in the middle of the meadow. It only took a few seconds to get out here, but I didn't feel like I was moving as fast as I should have been. Ok, tie my shoes. I stopped and looked behind me, up the hill. I scanned the street. Nobody. Maybe he wasn't chasing me. Maybe I was over-reacting. Maybe I'm losing my mind. I bent down and started to tie the first shoe. The forest was about two hundred yards in front of me, so I knew I could make a bee-line for it and hide if I saw him come running over the hill. Being in the middle of a field, I could see in every direction. I felt relatively safe. I took in a deep breath, and then moved on to my second shoe.

I heard the revving of a familiar engine off behind me. When I turned around, I saw my Celica, black-and-red and roaring with intensity, speeding down the hill. Speeding in my direction. I could see the crazy behind the wheel. I could see my life flash before me. Run! Run!!! I could hear my head scream. But my knees locked in place.

The space between me and the front bumper of my own car was vanishing, and I had no hope of escaping. This wasn't his MO. He teased his victims with riddles until they figured out who he was, and then he'd catch them before they had a chance to tell anyone. He'd hunt them down on foot. Then he'd literally open their mind with some sort of sharp object. But he was about to hit me with a car.

Oh, of course. He was changing his style because he had the opportunity to improve it.

I closed my eyes.

Well... Mad Max, you win.


One. Two. Three. Four. Okay. There are seven of them. No, they have guns. So now there are eight of them. No, they are armored. That makes nine. I think they might be reasonably smart. So that’s ten. Okay. I will say these seven grunts are equivalent to ten. No, eleven. That one with the silly visor has taken an interesting stance. He must know more than basic Este. Too bad all of this sizing will not help them. They are no match.


...I look back as I pass over the intricate veils of nebulous radiance, gorgeous simplicity. I brush over these stars, grace their presence, and feel a sublimity in this glow. Oh, heavenly, so soothing. As Earth skims the sky and rolls auroras in its wake, I am guided by an incredible celestial breeze. The wonder meets me as the loveliness realigns, and I realize an aural elegance swirling. The resulting music ripples throughout me - a dulcet sensation - I am entrapped, entranced, eternally lost but suddenly grounded. I see, I feel, I hope, I hear. I know a beauty that others dream of. Such privilege inspires, invokes, creates. The wonderment is no longer a state-in-passing. It is here, centered, and I focus deeply. My intertidal introspection stimulates a renewed energy, an indispensable strategy. Then I open my eyes, and I stare in wonderment. I stare at the sight of this unfathomed loveliness.

Look Up

Not too far... There's a new tab. The first excerpt from my book. There will be more.

I'm basically filling a blog post for little reason here, besides to tell you that there will be more excerpts... eventually. And notes. Take a look at what's now up there. Or don't.

Disappointment and Relief

"...Is it possible to fall down to a higher position? What will history bring me tomorrow?"

This slur of questions meant that my mind was somewhere the rest of me was not. He studied me for a long time, seeming to measure me up. I am important, apparently. Yet, so far he has done nothing to show me how I am supposed to do this. So, I asked.

"What do I have to do?" Persistence, at least, was one of my qualities that hadn't changed.

"Everything." His vague reply was quick and contrary to his demeanor. "Your friends will try to help you, but only for the time being." He bowed his head, "When the pivotal moment of truth arrives, you will be alone."

"Alone? What about Ariana? Vashiel? Are you saying they'll abandon me?" The idea seemed impossible.

"No. You will have to abandon them. And they will have long passed." There. His words echoed. My suspicion was all but confirmed. I was silent for a long moment, then:

"I will outlive them."

He nodded, "You will live for millenia." Millenia. Thousands of years. Unfathomable.

"But... the war can't last that long. Why must I?"

"The Relics change your biology. You are hardly Myan or Quavan anymore. Qamya were solar beings. They outlived stars. And you will see many wars after this one, no doubt..." His gaze became unfocused. He seemed to be distracted by another thought. "I'm sorry, but you will inevitably be alone."

And that was it. He faded from my mind as I couldn't hold him any longer. "Yieno," I muttered. I hate that guy... I rubbed my head and sat up in my bed. Someone was standing in the doorway. Ariana. I acknowledged her strange presence, "What's wrong?"

"You. I heard you rustling in your sleep. Another bad dream?" She didn't sound tired at all. Has she been up all night?

I almost laughed. "No. Not exactly."

"Another memory?"

"No."

"Then why can't you sleep?" Her tone implied worry, but also suspicion. She knows I've been hiding something from her. She came and sat on the end of my bed.

I sighed. How could she understand? But her persistence has always been more prevalent than mine, and I couldn't lie to her any longer. "When I, uhh... Go out of it... I don't simply 'recall memories'."

"What do you mean?"

"Well... I visit the moment in my mind. But it's not a mere memory. I fall into a certain mind state and I actually go there."

Even in the dark, I could see she her scrutinizing expression. "It's not a memory... But it's in your mind?" Ariana didn't get confused often, but there was no way she would have been able to guess what I am implying. So, I'll just say it.

"I travel back there. Or, my mind does. It literally goes back... In time."

In her exhalation, she quavered. I thought she was about to laugh, but the excitement in her pulse slowed and she eventually said, "Ok... Ok. Ok..." She found her words, "I didn't think time travel was possible, but..." She lost her words again.

"Listen, Ariana. You can't tell anyone yet. Especially Vashiel."

"You haven't told Vashiel?"

"No. With Trallos constantly around, I don't think it'd be a good idea. You're the first person I've told."

"So... How long have you known that you've been quantum-leaping instead of reminiscing?" Her classic smile showed itself for the first time in months. Everything had just clicked for her, I knew it. All these years I've been growing distant, she suddenly, finally understood. But instead of chastising me for all the grief I'd put her through, she simply wanted to geek-out. In other words, her curiosity had taken over every other impulse, and she was Ariana again.

"About two years now." I laughed giddily. It felt great to be telling somebody about this. I mean a flesh-and-blood somebody and not a ghostly figure in my all-too-real dreams.

"Two years!?" Her smile disappeared. "TWO YEARS!?" Oh. Her outrage was more than a little evident. Pavol was probably awake now. "You're telling me that you kept this a secret for two entire years!? You kept it from me, Eathös!" I had misinterpreted her previous smile. She was curious, I got that right, but she hadn't made the connection between my secret and our strained relationship. But the connection, the reason I kept the secret, was pretty ridiculous.

"I couldn't tell you." I spoke in a soft tone as I tried to calm her down. "I was not allowed to tell you."

Her expression changed. She looked worried now. "You were not allowed? By whom? You said I was the first person you've told about this..."

"You are. He's... Well, he's not really a person." Once again, I found I was trying to avoid conversation. I didn't even mean to. It just happens naturally now.

Her frustration was deserved. I had been skirting her deep questions for far too long. Her disappointment in my self-isolation was becoming enough to make her want to kill me. "Eathös... You're going to tell me or I am going to throw you through the wall."

As if this moment needed more tension, Pavol and Meltri were now standing at the door. "Uh... Hey, E-Man..." Pavol apparently had heard Ariana's threat. "What's going on?"

Ariana turned around to glare at him, "Nothing." Pavol backed away slowly. Meltri lingered, "Eathös, if she kills you, I will... uhh... have Pavol do that thing with his claws where he pins someone to a wall by holding their neck... to her..." She was somewhat serious. Ariana was somewhat very inflamed.

"Why don't you mind your own affairs!?" She took a step toward them. They vanished. I grabbed her arm and pulled her back to sit down.

"Please calm down. I know you're mad at me for basically ignoring you, but I'm talking to you now..."

She sighed. "I'm not mad at you for ignoring me. Well, I am... But I got over that a long time ago."

"Then why are you yelling at me?"

"For a lot of reasons. But none that really make sense. I'm being emotional. You know, like a girl."

"No way..." I rubbed her shoulder. She seemed to relax a bit more, even smile.

"Believe it. I couldn't bottle it up indefinitely. You've just been so... frustrating."

"I know."

"You had to be so... Annoyingly isolated."

"I know."

"All... Secretive and whatnot..."

"Yeah."

"Why? Because you were told to? By a non-person???"

"Okay." I rubbed my eyes. I was suddenly very tired. Yet, I was excited to tell her everything. It was time now. It's vital for her to know now, anyway. "Can I explain everything... tomorrow?"

"You're not gonna bail out of this conversation, Eathös. I've always known you were holding something back. You have no idea how long I've been dying to hear you come clean..."

"Hey... Do you remember how long it took you to tell me about all of your secrets? I will tell you. I want to tell you. But you have no idea how much energy time-travel can drain."

She groaned. "Apparently not." I have to admire her. No one is more patient, it seems. "But you must promise that you're gonna tell me everything."

"I promise."

"Forever?"

"Ariana, I never wanted to keep anything from you. Trust me, I will explain it all in the morning. Over breakfast." Her reply was a wide smile, but she couldn't speak. Tears formed in her eyes as she gasped and embraced me. She had never held me so tightly before. Her sobs heaved through her chest and I found that I could not keep from sobbing myself. No tears, though. That's no longer possible. But I'll tell her about that tomorrow.

"Do you remember the last time we had breakfast together?" She whispered against my neck.

I tried to remember, but it has been so long. "Huh. I don't think I do."

"Four years ago. Fredona bars. In Frandere's old shuttle. We weren't technically alone, but for a moment Frandere stepped out for fresh air and Vashiel was sound asleep. We talked about the recorded message I sent to you when I left... Do you remember that?"

"Wow... That was only four years ago?" I let out a soft laugh. Those days were so much simpler. Those days were before we knew what was happening. Before I knew the fate of the universe.

"Yeah." She unwrapped her arms from me and leaned back, "Those days were a lot simpler." I laughed again. Man, I missed her.

"We only have a few more days until we arrive. I don't want these days to go to waste." For the first time in long, long time, I found myself truly in-the-moment. My head wasn't plagued by the future or past. I was taking this all in. Taking her all in. As she leaned into me, I savored her warmth. No matter what the future will bring, no matter what happens, if the dimension implodes and the worlds collapse, if all I know and love will be lost in eternity... I'll always have right now.

No revelation, no thought could be more relieving...

Sixty-Four Thousand, Five Hundred Nine (Entry Number 20)

"To relegate our species to a simple number and govern us based on it is exactly as insulting as calling us inferior."

"You need to get it into your head. You are inferior to them."

"To them? What about you?"

"I do not have an opinion either way. I admit I do pity your race, but that doesn't mean I think you should be given extra privileges."

"Extra privileges?" How tiresome. Exasperating. I need sleep. This has been going on endlessly for three days, and I've hardly rested. That is mostly because I'm currently living among aliens who only need to sleep twice a week. Remai was especially tiresome. He was merely a scientist, but he was the only person who would actually look at me when I talked to him.

"The factions in this Alliance have populations in the tens of billions. You came from a country that believed in representational government. Guess what? We also believe in that. You're vastly outnumbered, and you'll be 'inferior' because of it."

My head hurt. I was tired of having the same argument over and over. Hey, Remai, what about those Quadarians? They don't number in the billions, but they seem have an equivalent seat in UA conferences. But I knew what he would say. "Sure, once Humans can prove themselves to be as invaluable as the Quadarians, then maybe things would be different." I told him about when I saw a Quadarian. It was chilling, to say the least. The way it looked. The way it walked. How it moved. When it spoke. Everything about it was just... alien. He can call me prejudice if he wants. I don't care, for I'm only human, and it's only natural.

"Humans are supposed to go to sleep every day, aren't they?" Remai had a smile. It was strange, the way he smiled. So friendly, yet somehow fierce. It was almost human-like, but not quite.

"Yes." I couldn't help yawning. He had reminded me that I was tired.

"I can't imagine what it must be like to live for only eighty years and spend half of that time sleeping."

"We can dream, though. You don't have dreams."

He waved a hand in the air. "I don't understand the appeal of dreams. Why the Hirah want to study your REM cycles, it goes over my head. I prefer doing over imagining..."

After a few more minutes of uninteresting conversation, I said goodbye to Remai (he didn't understand the appeal of goodbyes, either) and walked to my dorm. As I was assigned to a different room almost every day, it was still hard to call this ship my "home". The debates over what planet becomes the new Human Homeworld will take years, from what it looks like, so since we've now been refugees for almost a month, some here have actually started to notice us. Wow, we get our own rooms now? Human civilians can sleep in beds now? Thank you, Great Alliance! You're the best!

Of course, I didn't hold any real grudges against the aliens. Others might be upset that the Alliance didn't try harder to save more of us. Billions died over a political argument, they would say. Some wished they had more time to preserve Earth's culture. Some may be cynical, but I'm not. How can I be? They saved our species from extinction. And they tried to save more of us, but there were too many factors weighed against them. They came a long way from home and there was no way they could have known the time on our countdown clock.

My head rested on my pillow on my bed in my room in my dorm hall. This room only contained a bed, my suitcase and a window. But I loved the view. All of my previous rooms were "aisle seats" and the only time I could look at the constellations was when I went to the mess hall. Now, with my own private window, I'd occasionally spot a lone star or a nebula in the blackness of outer space and then I'd ask the handy computer what I was looking at. "Dokei 559, Human Name: IC 5146 - Cocoon Nebula," it once told me when I asked about a beautiful red cloud that was lightyears away. A lot of times, though, a star had no human name, and so it gave me the option to assign it one. I always declined. I didn't feel qualified for that. Besides, there is only one name I'm considering to use, and it must be saved for an incredibly unique star.

I didn't use a blanket. I wore my pajamas, but it was warm enough in here to sleep naked. Not that that was allowed, of course. Someone must have found out about our operating temperatures and started to worry that the humans could freeze, so they kept the heaters running constantly. It was like a retirement home in here. I guess that's fitting...


A voice on the intercom awoke me from a groggy haze. "Ms. Mariano?"

"Uhh... Yeah?"

"You're needed in the laboratory."

Those words made me nervous. I'm not any scientist, so being "needed" in a lab makes me think about what they could possibly need me for. Regardless, I got dressed and headed down the hall. I passed the washrooms and considered a shower. No, I'm "needed". I better be urgent.

Remai greeted me at the lab entrance. "You kept us waiting." Good morning to you too.

"Relax, Remaius." An unfamiliar voice came from inside. "She only kept you waiting."

Remai led the way into the large, round room that had sophisticated equipment and fancy monitors all over the walls. I had been in this room once when I first got here, but I then had to leave the room in handcuffs.

"Hello, Elizabeth." The source of the voice was now visible from behind a holographic projector. He was a Nae Taraxian, as most of the scientists on this vessel seemed to be. But he was a lot older than Remai. He had authority. Three more people in white coats stood behind him on a platform, observing. Two were Hirah, one was... Human? "Welcome aboard the Aurora." His welcome was about two weeks too late, but I guess I should be polite.

"Hello..."

"My name is Terrus. I would appreciate your cooperation in the following experiment." Wow, he gets right down to business. "Don't worry, you won't be harmed. We'll need you to sit in that chair over there and be very still while we scan your EM activity. Can you do that for us?"

"Uhh..."

"We believe you might have important data stored inside your brain. There is post-traumatic stress affecting your memory, so you probably don't remember that."

"Data?"

"First, we only wish to determine whether your unique EM signature matches the one we've been searching for. It's a simple scan."

"Umm... Terrus, is it? Why do you look familiar?"

Terrus let out a single laugh. No one else did. "You have spent a lot of time with Remaius, so I'm sure you've seen my brother's face in pictures. He died honorably above Earth. His name was Tex."

"Oh. Right." That name was very familiar. "Sorry, then." There was a short silence. The other human in the room coughed. "Shall we get to it?" I was afraid to waste this guy's time.

"There's an attitude I admire in humans. No questions. You just get it done." He brought me over to the chair and strapped me in.

"Well, actually, I have plenty of questions..." Remai gave me a look. Right, I'll shut up.

There was a humming sound coming from something above me, but I couldn't move my head to look at it. Besides, I was told not to try to move. Terrus was at a panel directly in front of me; Remai stood behind him at a secondary panel. Terrus hit a few switches, and then the humming sound was accompanied by a clicking sound. The two Hirah on the platform were leaning on the railing, watching with excitement. The human seemed to be biting his fingernails. The clicking noise was getting louder and louder. My scalp was starting to feel tingly. Terrus turned around and looked at Remai, who nodded and said something I couldn't hear. All of a sudden, the human was yelling something and running for the staircase, but one of the Hirah grabbed his arm. The clicking noise grew louder. It became piercingly high-pitched. The tingly feeling spread to my neck, shoulders, arms, fingers. Then everything went black. I didn't notice that I was shaking violently...

"...Peter!"

"Get out of here!"

"What are you doing?! Peter!!!"

"It's the only way..."


It took a while for me to realize I was awake, for my eyes had opened but I still could only see black. There was no light in this room.

"Don't try to get up."

The strange voice startled me, but I found that I couldn't move my legs. He sounded close, whoever he was. I tried to speak, but a hand covered my mouth.

"They can't know you're in here," he whispered. His other hand was on my leg. I didn't like this so far. But I slowly nodded.

"What happened?" I spoke softly, weakly, but I could probably scream if I tried to.

"They're looking for you."

"What? Who?"

"Terrus' men."

"What?" It took a slow second for me to process that. "Are you kidding me?"

"Shh. Wait." He apparently heard something I didn't and tensed up. Then he relaxed.

"Why are you grabbing my leg?"

"Hmm? You can feel your legs?"

"Yes. It's quite... uncomfortable."

"Oh, that's good. You're recovering quickly." He let go of me. "I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable. I'm still learning human behavior. Is it because I'm male that I made you uncomfortable?" He was very calm.

"Umm..." I found that "awkward" was not quite the right word that described this moment.

"If I was female, would that be more comfortable? I could be female if you wanted, but it would take some time. I prefer being male, though."

Changeable sex? Or... Shapeshifting? From what I'd learned of the Alliance races, I did not recall any with that particular ability. "Who are you?"

"You can call me Ess. Like the letter S."

"Okay, S. What's, umm... Your species? If you don't mind me asking..."

"Just consider me Mactchan." His accent pronounced "Mactchan" gracefully.

"Oh." I had read about the Mactchan, but hadn't met any. They were supposedly very human-esque in appearance, especially the sub-race called Quirillians. Humans preferred Mactchan food. The chefs in the mess hall were still trying to figure out Earth-cuisine, so many people avoided an unnecessary risk to their health and commonly ordered Quirillian or Qua menu items. My current favorite was Garala soup. But that's all irrelevant. In the texts I read, all of the Mactchan races had anatomical descriptions of both male and female sexes. I don't remember anything about asexual reproduction. But maybe I didn't read enough. "What are you, Quirillian? Acadian?" I was trying to guess based on his voice alone.

"You've done some research." He laughed softly, seemingly amused. He paused for a moment, then: "I'm a Myan, I guess you'd say." Huh. I read about Myans, too. They weren't part of the Alliance. There was some sort of banishment or whatever. If he's Myan, is he even allowed to be on this ship?

"Myan?" I persisted. "Are you a crewmember? A civilian? A stowaway?" Why couldn't I let it go? He can kill me, remember?

"I'm guessing you're suspicious." Well sir, I could very possibly be your hostage option.

"Oh, well... No. Of course not. You're only holding me in a dark room. I'm only slightly paralyzed." I wondered for a second if he understood my sarcastic inflection. Most aliens didn't.

"Well, you can relax. I'm not going to hurt you. And if you stay quiet, you'll make it out of here alive." He didn't mean to phrase it quite like that. Still, I gulped. "Sorry, I don't mean it that way. I know you have no idea what's going on, but I need you to trust me."

"Okay..." I was quiet for a while. I tried to listen to what he was listening to, but all I could hear was my own subtle breathing. He was as still and as quiet as a statue. I felt the blanket underneath me and only now realized I was lying on the floor and not on a bed.

"Hey..." I thought of my next words. I wished I could see him. Something was giving me the impression that this wasn't a very large room. Where was I? And what does Terrus want with me? "...You say Terrus is looking for me. That machine... What did he do to me?"

"He was trying to rip something out of your head. He could have killed you."

"Did you... save me?" He didn't respond. Things seemed to make more sense now. "What about Remai? Was that what he wanted all along? The data in my head?"

"I don't know how long he knew you had it, but he takes orders from Terrus," he said assuredly. Perfect. I thought I had a friend here. Oh well, I guess. Would you like to be my new friend, Mr. S? But then I remembered the observers in the room:

"Who was the other human in the lab? He was yelling something at Terrus just before I blacked out."

"That would have been Dr. McAden. He was there to ensure you were treated fairly. He obviously failed. I doubt he's alive now."

I couldn't believe this. "He's dead?!"

"Probably. Terrus isn't a very good person."

"What the hell... What the heck is going on?"

"I'll have time to tell you later. Somebody's coming." I didn't hear him move, but suddenly the room lit up as the door was slowly cracked open. "Stay here and don't make a sound," he whispered. I realized I was in a supply closet. Cleaning supplies. I didn't see Mr. S's face as he crouched by the door, but he had brown hair and was wearing a gray-blue uniform. He was a janitor. And he had no tail. Don't Myans have tails?

He slipped out the door and I was alone. All was silent. And it was dark again.

---

This multi-part excerpt is brought to you in part by Sumodudesalad's twentieth blog entry!

What I've written of this story is in sporadic chunks. Part of it is in a notebook, part of it was on my laptop, and part of it is on typed paper. What you will see on this blog is a filler between two of my major chunks, both of which I have lost due to hard drive failure. Hopefully, this is will still be entertaining and easy enough to understand. Part two will come soonish.

TerraEversio was a game-changing event. Before the Gian War, the Alliance was in a state of prosperity and peace. They didn't fear that some unknown civilization could seriously threaten their power. Then after being helpless to defend Earth, the Alliance fully realized they had many weaknesses. Most of Earth's survivors lived aboard Alliance vessels for up to two years before they were moved to Tellura. Some who didn't help colonize Earth II remained space-bound and were able to observe and take part in Alliance affairs. As for the few who neither colonized nor stayed aboard Alliance starships...

Well... Nobody really knows what happened to them.

Immaturity

Take this account and see if it fits.

Fond of what she possesses, a little girl takes her prize into her room and sets it on a high shelf, a special spot. She loves it. And she takes it with her whenever she goes out. She tells all her friends how wonderful it is. She takes care of it, cleans it. Nothing... No thing is as special to her. It would almost appear that she worships the object, but it doesn't because she's just a little girl.

'Kay.

Then there's you. You set your prized possession on a pedestal. You bragged about it. You took care of it. Then... Oh, what happened? You dropped it. Stepped on it. No, you dug in your heel. It would appear that after everything, you've learned nothing. You have less maturity than a little girl. Isn't that sad?

But you never possessed it. It was never really yours. You loved it because it was better than anything you ever had, then you hated it once it was better than anything you could get. But you didn't own it, that's right. It owned you.

Why let it destroy you? What's the point? When did the idea of non-function become your mind-state? Responsibilities haven't left you or harmed you. Why abandon them?

She's exemplary and she doesn't even know it. You're pathetic and there are so many things you can do to change.

So... Change.

Help Wanted

Click here: The Gian Race.

Read more in the link above. Josh and I want help fleshing out the most notorious, mysterious threat that faces the United Alliance. We want outside inspiration. We want fresh ideas.

If you are not a member of the Worlds Wiki, become one. Any contribution would be greatly appreciated.

Future Impact

The Quirillian council could not decide. Just about every faction had a different opinion. Sure, if they had their own way, they'd say "go", but those old days of Quirillian totalitarianism are supposed to be long gone. They have to set a good example here...

Acadians seemed to occupy all the tallest chairs. I wondered if that was due to the high respect they received for being the establishers of Mactcha's unified government, or if that was simply because they're shorter than everyone else. They had no higher authority, though. It must have just been a symbol of respect. Otherwise, the Acadians could overrule the whole project...

Gavan had only four representatives in the room. This system wasn't based on population; most Jovians just hate politics. They were on the side of Quirillia, as they always are...

The Qua had an interesting way of showing themselves. Since there are over 60 tribes on Quaxlar, there were over 60 chieftains present - more than half of the company. They knew that the number of representatives made no difference, but they must have felt that having an overwhelming unification of one opinion would help sway the vote their way. Quaxlar and Aquadex pretty much agreed against the project...

The minor powers, which included Chinoff and Gaffi, as well as other moons, were more or less swing-voters. Combined, they had not the ability to overrule any one of the major powers. But in the instance of a tie, they could make the difference. Unfortunately, they were just as divided as the others...

The oft-unmentioned Mactchan in the room, the lone Myan, was only an observer. Mya no longer had a say in Oican affairs. Their millenia-long isolation was still in effect...

Two Quadarians were present. They had an equal vote in everything, but for the past year have been undecided. They didn't really prefer this style of government, as it was still new to them, and they typically sat out of universal affairs. This time, however, they were very interested in the matter at hand. And with the four other powers so divided, the Quadarian vote mattered most...

The Hilian Emperor could make no official vote, but his opinion was highly respected. He made it clear that his people opposed the project...

Taraxia, on the other hand, as all for the project. Like the Hirah, they could not make a vote, but they had the right to speak...

This year-long debate was history in the making. Enough evidence supported the likelihood of a successful terraformation, but no one could predict the long-term effects the new planet could have on its neighbors. Many believed in Mactcha's ability to adapt. Many others believed it was best not to press their luck. If the project is a go and is successful, it would result in a breakthrough advancement in Gemini technology and practically every field of natural science, Mactcha would have a tenth planet, Quirillia's ugly debris field would be cleared, overpopulation problems would be solved and the need for more industrial and military zones would be satisfied. If the project is declined, the stability of Mactcha and the lives of 19 billion people wouldn't be risked.

I sat in the back row of the balcony in the gargantuan courtroom, out of sight from anyone important. The tension of the impending decision grew tighter each day, as the final ruling was mandated to the end of the week. As this year-long debate was coming to a close, once-calm arguments became inflamed and hidden hostilities reared their ugly-yet-entertaining heads. The Acadians were usually known to keep order; in most other cases they maintained a neutral status. This time, they were far from neutral. Aquadex was passionately unified against anything that could disrupt the harmony of the entire solar system. They found the whole idea selfish and unnecessary. I saw their reasoning. They weren't wrong. No one really was. But for the first time since the unification of Mactcha over 2,000 years ago, Aquadex was going to lose a major argument.

Because Gemini Project Alpha 9 is going to happen. It has to happen. XR Industries, as much as I hate its name, needs to become a prominent weapons manufacturer. And Oiqua needs the military power. Only when a civilization is a threat can it truly be respected by its neighbors. This will balance the Alliance. As centuries pass, the necessary breakthroughs will be made. Earth will eventually be discovered. And it can be saved.

As I sat and observed, I remembered the current date. It was seventy years ago when she passed.

He was absolutely right when he said I would always be alone. How could I ever love anyone else?

Shards of the Mirror

He took a glance in each direction. She wasn't anywhere to be found. He thought, conversed with himself, Didn't she tell me she'd be here? Maybe I got it wrong. Maybe I've always been wrong. I'm disillusioned, he thought, I'm cold, now alone. The plain was empty, slightly covered in barely present snow. It was drizzling now. The rainforest surrounding him was quiet for a rainforest. The clouds above him were dark for afternoon clouds. The air was damp and so was he. He already had a cold from being out here for just twenty minutes. "One year ago," he said by his lonesome, "we met here." Not for the first time, but it might as well have been. "We gazed over the cliffs at the birds below. We gazed at each other." Only briefly, for we weren't the only ones out here. "I wondered then if I was a romantic. I was most certain that I was then. But I wondered if I was overly so. If holding on to an unrealized dream was worth it." Because there she was, right here one year ago, looking back at him. Proof that it wasn't.


Adrian Mariano: how do I describe him? I feel like I've known him for my entire life. Like I've grown up with him. But that's not technically true. Not even half true. But I've known his family. I've grown up with them. And he's like a brother to me now. Not even like a little brother, even though he is physically a couple years younger, but just as a brother. And possibly my best friend. At least, he is one of my best. His sense of humor is most similar to mine, and it seems like we can talk about almost anything. That is a half-inverted truth with his sister. And I hope to rectify that. I believe I have started to. But this paragraph isn't about her. So let's see... Adrian. Yes. I love Adrian. And I hope he still respects me after he finds out what I've done.


"Yes, Meltri, I hate having these conversations with you."
"But why? And we're arguing, really. Not just conversing."
"Sure, we're arguing. But you handily win. Every time."
"Hmm... There's a reason for that, you know."
"No. I don't."
"Yes you do."
"No. I've had enough of this. I'm leaving now."
"You love me."


A dalliance no longer. A train wreck. A broken seal. A court order. Her tears forfeit unbelievable emotion. Some reckless abandon. Some ignorance forgotten. Somebody left her. Someone changed her. It is unbelievable. I won't believe it.

"No I don't. You're too quippy. And it's annoying."
"But you love it. You can't bear to be away from it. From me. My quippiness."
"Kararve. You just assume that."
"No I don't. I know that. You love me."
"Stop saying that!"
"You love me."
"Shut up!"
"Love, love, love."
"No... no, no."
"Me, me, me."
"Please stop."
"I won't until you make me. And the only way to make me is to admit it."
"You are impossible."
"It warms me to hear you say that. Now admit it."
"Admit what?"
"That you love me."
"Oh, but that's not true. I can't admit what isn't true."


"I didn't think you were the one who pulled. I mean, at first I suspected. As I suspected everybody. As I have to. But you did an incredible job, I'll give you that."

He didn't have words to say. He simply stood there, blank-faced, jaws gaping, eyes wide. A minute ago, he didn't have that look. I wondered for a moment why. He's not breathing. And... Is that blood behind him?

"Neilus?" No response. He just stood there, locked, frozen. I reached for my gun on instinct. And then he fell over. I only noticed the tiny handle of the knife in his back on my second glance. I sighed. "Cat, I know you're there."

"Sorry, I improvised." Her voice came from behind the sofa. She crawled out into view. Three more little daggers hung on the strap across her chest.

"Really? He was just about to confess, you know. Are you sure revenge had nothing to do with it?"

"Yes. I improvised revenge. And I did apologize, so..."

"You're... Not even upset."

"Why should I be?" She stood by the front door, ready to leave. Her voice never quavered. What is wrong with her? I hated her right then. Now what am I going to do?

"C'mon... Let's go get breakfast."

"What about Maddy?" Her tone implied genuine concern, but I now doubted that she even cared.

"We'll pick her up on the way."


"Why are you smiling, Pavol? Are you enjoying this?"
"What? No."
"It seems you are. And you're not very good at lying to me anymore. Do you know why?"
"Hmm... Let me guess. It's because I love you?"
"Ha! So you do admit it!"
"I do not. I was just humoring you. You should have seen the excitement on your face."
"Don't try to turn this around. I have all the evidence I need. Now I'll just ask Vashiel for access to the video cameras and..."
"Oh, but why do you need evidence? Why are you looking for evidence?"
"For a hunch that has now been proven. Thanks, Pavvy."
"No. I haven't proven anything. But I think I understand something now."
"And what's that?"
"That you, my poor friend, are in love with me."
"Of all the haughty things you could say... Your royal ego must be starving as of late."
"But you are in love with me."
"I'm pretty sure I could laugh at you right now."
"Are you sure? Why don't you just laugh at me, then?"
"This conversation has become tedious and irrelevant. Goodnight, Pavol."
"This is not just a conversation, it's an argument. And you're losing. Oh my gosh!"
"Now who's quippy?"
"Why haven't you denied it yet?"
"Denied?! There's nothing to deny!"
"Ha HA!"
"Wait! That came out wrong!"
"Too bad. I have all the evidence I need."
"You know what? Fine. I don't care. I love you. Happy now?"

Check? Her eyes asked me. I smiled, slightly laughed, and looked down at the battle again. Both sides had lost a lot of pieces. But my side had lost more. Now, she had trapped my king on G2 with only one way out. In four or six more moves, she could win. But maybe she won't see it. No, she will. If she hasn't already... She is leaning over the board with concealed excitement. Her eyes locked briefly on her mighty queen, then she looked away, leaned back, and then looked at me. Well? She blinked and sniffed with faux-innocence and slight anxiousness. She had to maintain her I-totally-didn't-just-discover-your-demise look in order to make her own victory all the more sweet. She played with her braid, pretending not to be paying attention. I couldn't help but examine her once again (and if she ever noticed when I stared at her, she didn't seem to care -- at least not during chess). The corners of her lips were usually a tell, although I always read their precise reactions incorrectly. Why am I looking for a tell? I already know that she has her next moves planned. Her eyes met mine and her eyebrows rose. Yes? I smiled and shrugged and shook my head. Nothing. She smiled lightly, always pleasantly. Alright. She nudged toward the chessboard. Your move.


"..."
"Oh, what's wrong? Oh my gosh! Did I just take your breath away?"
"Umm..."
"You weren't expecting me to admit it, huh? I suppose I surprised you, huh? Now you should see your face."
"...You love me?"
"Yes. Of course I do. Now if you'll pardon me, I'm going to bed."
"Wait."
"Hmm?"
"Don't leave."
"Why not?"
"You win. And you're right."
"Call me slow... But, huh?"
"I, uh, love you?"
"What? No you don't."
"Yes, I do."
"But I was just..."
"You weren't joking. You were absolutely right."
"Shut up. Stop looking at me like that."
"I love you."
"Stop saying that."
"Love, love, love..."
"Uhh... no, no, no."
"You, you, you..."
"Me? Me?"
"Yes."
"Oh."
"Yes."
"Huh."
"Mhmm."


There's plenty of room for error. We have plenty room to breathe, you see. And with our spare time, what will we do? Procrastinate. Enjoy ourselves. Lollygag. It's almost inevitable, you see. Because it's indefinite, our time here. They won't let us out if we finish what we came for and they won't let us out if we never finish. But we're not trapped here, either. We are free, you see. Technically. And you are even freer than us. But where do we go? What do we do? There is no other place for us. So we breathe. We waste our time. We enjoy ourselves. We lollygag. We will eventually forget things. We will become unpracticed. And then the shift in power will come, and we'll be cracked down on. We'll slip. Someone will fail. It's pointless, you see. The margin is there. It was never removed. And it's too late now. There's plenty of room for error.


What an idiot. It wouldn't have taken a lot of nerve to approach her. As Adrian pointed out, she's just a human. Yep. A human bean. But how in the world do I tell her? Or tell anyone? I'm lucky enough that Adrian caught me. That made things easier. I would just show her, but... At this point, it won't be easy: “Hey, Mr. M, would you be so kind to ask all of your friends to turn around and close their eyes while I try to explain something to your daughter? Oh, and could close your eyes too? I know this is your house and everything, but I just don't want the military to know about me. Understand?” Or even worse: “Hey, Mr. M, would you mind if took your daughter into the other room to show her something in private. She currently hates me, but after this, there's no way she could!” Ugh...

I just need to get her attention. If only I could get her attention. And then I have to keep her attention. And then I have to describe to her what is absolutely insane and impossible and unbelievable and incredible. I’m gonna bank on that incredible part. See, Prevak? It won’t be that hard. Just swallow, breath in and approach her. And don’t trip, please.


Her hand was cold when he felt it, but so was the air. It was supposed to be sunny that day, but what do you expect on this peninsula? Rain is what you expect. And although it wasn't raining at that particular moment, it was misty enough to have a similar effect. "We were all somehow soaked already. When we woke up that morning, the gymnasium was dry and the air was dusty. But the moment we stepped out into the cold air, we were soaked. It doesn't even have to rain here to be the wettest place in the country." As he talked to himself, a persistent breeze picked up and penetrated his "windproof" jacket. And it started raining again. Figuring it was now time to go back to the car, he picked himself up off the grass and walked to the pathway. It occurred to him only then, as he walked steadily to his blue pickup, as the increasing wind all but flattened the swordferns, that despite everything that had happened and the way it had ended, he was happy that it happened. As much as he would wish he could change it, he couldn't, and a memory held intact was more valuable than one forgotten, no matter how intricately painful it was to bear. But it wasn't completely painful. It wasn't hard to bear, really, now he realized. He was just fortunate she even existed. And the good parts would outweigh the bad, if he let them. If he did not allow himself to dwell on what went wrong. If he remembered what transpired not as mere memory, not as a mistake. But as a part of his life ongoing. A chapter. Then he would be okay knowing that. He would be happy. Simply, happy.


"So then... we're in love?"
"Shh. Don't ruin it, sweetie."

Accomplished

This should be my last poem for a while. This poetry streak has been a quartet, and in the next post, whenever it may be, I will return to my more traditional stuff. I hope this poem is understandable. I figured I'd write a clear end to my unplanned "quartet", and it turned out to be even more straight-forward than I thought it would.

I feel I have accomplished something
That nonequivalent fear and self-worth
That sense of value in something unseen
Brought in sadness slower than mirth

Something secret, something great today
A truth impossible for me to say
Something known, but I can't be sure
An invisible vibrato, a harmonic blur

It's sustainable and definite
It's my favorite kind of peace
It's unbelievably infinite
Guilt will but seldom cease

Don't get me wrong, hear me correct
It's nothing that I will neglect
Words twist with attempted rhyme
My message isn't fully mine

(I want to turn from light you've shone
And against your wisdom, need be alone
Listen closely, and please dissect
Please, please destroy this intellect)

Disparate, desperate, so it will go
Definitions of thisself again
Stability, as I'm sure you know
Is more vital than what I've been

Looking forward toward my past
Careful now, you shouldn't laugh
Prime construction will now commence
Off blueprints o' my ol' appetence

Apologies have long since faded
Belles ring and ring, and I wondered why
I'm disconnected, but hardly jaded
I wanted, but lost my want to try

As slumber comes in pulses, less easily
I hold a smile to what I'd prudently wished
And my thoughts come with tenor, but brevity
It's hastily, unsteadily accomplished

Hmm...

Thought Momentum

I can't define

Myself and you

The truth is lost

Under what's untrue

This mind of mine

Fears a murmur

Feels the shake

A distant tremor

Apologies for

What is forgiven

Then changes into

What is not

Sympathies for

Pain interwoven

All through you

In one shot

Dying again

Convoluted dreams

My mind has been

Tearing the seams

Shortened reply

To what's been said

Before you tried

Was already dead

Words unspoken

Thoughts re-awoken

Obviously confused

Lost and amused

Question held out

Offered to you

On hands stretched

Answer in view

Severing doubt

Delayed recollection

Unstoppable motion

Will not congrue

How is it that I've missed the point

That once one is taken from sanity,

He cannot return unfazed?

The incredible momentum of thoughts anoint

That question - what I want and do believe -

Stops for nothing set ablaze...

My Grandma just passed away minutes ago, and the resulting effect it has had on me is one I can't so well define. It's an emotion probably blocked by residual manifested thoughts that I've had over the past few days. Yet, it might not be blocked at all. I find myself without the confidantes I once had, and I guess it has thrown me onto a different track...

This poem is not one I particularly like, but it's one I fully understand. That's a good thing, because I wrote it.

TWPIK

The worst person I know
Lives in his crooked mind
His logic is not straight
His patterns are not kind

Pathos hangs around him
But he doesn't seem to care
He takes perceptions others have
And throws them to the air

The worst person I know
Is inclined to be improved
But instead of stepping forward
He resists the urge to move

The worst person I know
Holds his doubt, assurance, fear
And puts them in a little vault
That is transparent, clear

I'm grateful I don't know anyone
Who isn't there in full
I'm grateful I don't know anyone
Not anyone at all

An Interstellar Burst

5/1/11 - This is still my personal favorite...

Disrupt, receive, recall, decline

A shadow over head

A new hope stems instead

Overwrought, clouded, undefined

Find the one who calls back to you

Find your Worlds shaken

Everything is broken

Take days to dry subliminal glue

Awoke, then had a dream

Not as deep as it sounds

For everything we've found

Is held by intangible seams

Fourth dimension hit a wall

But it's flowing right back into me

All the Worlds I can see

Direction, purpose, destiny

By leaps and bounds, I will ascend.

"In an interstellar burst

I'm back to save the universe"

Intrepid as the climax ends

Tenth Entry - Origin of Names

This is not a very consistent blog. However, if my blog was my book and each entry was a chapter, I would be quite happy. That's an uneven comparison. Whatever.

Here, I will list some of the names in my universe, their origin, and possibly their meaning.

SumodudeSalad - I might as well start off with the most prominent name of this blog. To explain the blog's title, I must first explain the origin of its root nickname, Sumo.

When I was but a three-year-old, right around the budding of my imaginary universe, my family took a trip to Maui. I was a rather chubby child, and let's just say I could have been cheek-pinch adorable. Like most little children, I s'pose. In addition to being having excess baby fat, I tended to... run into things. One of my Hawaiian uncles called me a "little Sumo Wrestler", and the name apparently stuck. We never liked wrestling, though. That part of the title was soon dropped.

In elementary school, I befriended a kid named Scott, and one day (on the swings, as usual) he asked me if I had a nickname. I briefly told him the backstory behind mine. Later that same day, another friend of mine, David, (who would typically call me "dude" or "jedidude") called out to me with, "Hey Sumodude!". I liked the name, so it stuck.

In these days of the internet, we use too many passwords. I used to use "Sumodude" as my universal password (it's a different one now, so don't try anything), but one stupid website (Lycos Zone, I believe) would not accept my password as it had to be "greater than 8 characters". Frankly, that is simply too much to ask on a children's site, but I'll digress. Not wanting to take the easy route with "Sumodude1" or something similar, I somehow came up with "SumodudeSalad" on a whim.

I didn't especially care for the name until I told one of my greatest friends - Dennis Lindberg - about it. He would crack lame jokes whenever we had salad with dinner (which was always). The name grew on me, and I started to use it as the title of one of my old blogs (which I didn't really care for). After Dennis passed away, I created a blog here on this site. That blog was lost somehow... So I created another one. And that's what you see today.


Not knowing the plot of my book, some of these upcoming descriptions might not make sense to you Earthlings.

Eathös - There really isn't anything special about the creation of this name. During the first months of writing my book, the main character didn't have a name, so I temporarily named him Skywalker just for kicks. When I was ready to show my first chapter to somebody else, I decided that it would be best to change his name. After five minutes of brainstorming, I invented "Eathos". When my first reader tried to pronounce it, however, it came out as "EE-THAHS". I told him he was wrong, then added the little umlaut for clarification and for decoration.

Eathös just looks better with those two little dots, I think.

His last name, "Ivana", I simply thought sounded cool. As an Earth name, it means "gracious as God", which is an unintentional irony.

*It should be noted that Eathös is the character most modeled after myself, as I was the unofficial leader in the recess-game STU. Completely by coincidence, as I created names for other characters, I realized that "Eathös" contains all the letters of my first name (and then some). In addition to myself, Eathös is also slightly based off of the characters Ender Wiggin and Eragon. Funny that they all start with "E".

Ariana - Honestly, I had no idea that this name actually existed at the time I came up with it. I really liked the name, and it sounded a bit familiar, but I really thought that I had invented a really cool name that sounded Earthy enough to use for one of my own children.

Then one day, I re-watched Jurassic Park. "Ariana Richards" came up in the credits. What?!

Ariana, as a character, is an inspired mix of three childhood friends of mine, most notably Brienna Pryor and Whitney Brown, whose influences helped shape who I am today.

Pavol Rialonav - Pavol, as a character, is slightly based off of Paval Niemeyer, an old school friend and a primary participant in STU. I always thought Paval was a cool name, so I kept it mostly intact.

The King of Mya in STU was called "King Rialonav". Paval was Myan royalty in the game, and he still is in my book, so the last name just made sense.

Salvao Sen - Name-wise, I pulled "Salvao" out of a hat. Character-wise, Salvao fills the slot that Braydon Neviadomski occupied. Although there are some major differences between Braydon's and Salvao's personality, Sal has probably remained closest to the original inspiration.

Salvao is a definite favorite of mine, as he is based on my best friend of my earlier childhood. I tried to come up with a name that stayed closer to "Braydon", but none seemed to fit. I did come up with "Barhe" and almost went with it, but it didn't sound young enough for my tastes. Barhe has not hit the trash heap, though, and will be the name of Salvao's dad.

Olan - The character of Olan is one of my favorites, simply because of what I have planned for his story arch. Olan fills the shoes of Aaron Wham, and although he's vastly different from his inspiration, there are a few key, if vague, similarities. "Olan" is a little like "Aaron", I think.

Frandere Thurion and Vashiel Dreshdae are not based off of anyone, officially. However, some parts of Frandere's personality remind me of my old classmate, Scott, and some of Vashiel's mannerisms could be a bit likened to my old classmate, David.


Jiavon - General Mialo Jiavon is very roughly based on Drew Sequoia, who was an intermittent STU player. As Drew would tend to turn against us at random times and screw up our plans, I was inspired to make Jiavon the main antagonist of Book 1.

Cabo is roughly based on Caleb Chase, one of the three original STU team members. Cabo Ajere is a personal favorite character of mine. Other than his name, I'm not sure how much of Cabo is actually based off of Caleb, because, well... In the book, he's a confused villain.

Meltri Volta - The name "Meltri" came from the name "Melanie". Originally, she was going to be a villain based roughly on some of Melanie Taitano's traits. However, I eventually decided to change her character into the rebellious daughter of the evil C. Volta.

Commander Volta - Oh, there we go. Yeah, she's somewhat based on Melanie. Keyword: somewhat. Volta's aversion to physical violence and preference for using persuasive words could be seen as parallels to her inspiration. Of course, C. Volta is far more... malicious.

"Volta" is another cool-sounding last name that I decided to use on a whim. Simultaneously, I tribute Alessandro.

Major Seri - Directly under Volta's command, Galvani (hint hint) Seri will prove to be an important character in my first and second book. Seri is very roughly inspired by Si Sharma, a classmate who enthusiastically tried to join us at recess one day. He never tried to play again, although he was always welcome.


There are many other names and inspirations that I could detail, of course, but they won't come up until well into the series... So, I'll stop here.