Disappointment and Relief

"...Is it possible to fall down to a higher position? What will history bring me tomorrow?"

This slur of questions meant that my mind was somewhere the rest of me was not. He studied me for a long time, seeming to measure me up. I am important, apparently. Yet, so far he has done nothing to show me how I am supposed to do this. So, I asked.

"What do I have to do?" Persistence, at least, was one of my qualities that hadn't changed.

"Everything." His vague reply was quick and contrary to his demeanor. "Your friends will try to help you, but only for the time being." He bowed his head, "When the pivotal moment of truth arrives, you will be alone."

"Alone? What about Ariana? Vashiel? Are you saying they'll abandon me?" The idea seemed impossible.

"No. You will have to abandon them. And they will have long passed." There. His words echoed. My suspicion was all but confirmed. I was silent for a long moment, then:

"I will outlive them."

He nodded, "You will live for millenia." Millenia. Thousands of years. Unfathomable.

"But... the war can't last that long. Why must I?"

"The Relics change your biology. You are hardly Myan or Quavan anymore. Qamya were solar beings. They outlived stars. And you will see many wars after this one, no doubt..." His gaze became unfocused. He seemed to be distracted by another thought. "I'm sorry, but you will inevitably be alone."

And that was it. He faded from my mind as I couldn't hold him any longer. "Yieno," I muttered. I hate that guy... I rubbed my head and sat up in my bed. Someone was standing in the doorway. Ariana. I acknowledged her strange presence, "What's wrong?"

"You. I heard you rustling in your sleep. Another bad dream?" She didn't sound tired at all. Has she been up all night?

I almost laughed. "No. Not exactly."

"Another memory?"

"No."

"Then why can't you sleep?" Her tone implied worry, but also suspicion. She knows I've been hiding something from her. She came and sat on the end of my bed.

I sighed. How could she understand? But her persistence has always been more prevalent than mine, and I couldn't lie to her any longer. "When I, uhh... Go out of it... I don't simply 'recall memories'."

"What do you mean?"

"Well... I visit the moment in my mind. But it's not a mere memory. I fall into a certain mind state and I actually go there."

Even in the dark, I could see she her scrutinizing expression. "It's not a memory... But it's in your mind?" Ariana didn't get confused often, but there was no way she would have been able to guess what I am implying. So, I'll just say it.

"I travel back there. Or, my mind does. It literally goes back... In time."

In her exhalation, she quavered. I thought she was about to laugh, but the excitement in her pulse slowed and she eventually said, "Ok... Ok. Ok..." She found her words, "I didn't think time travel was possible, but..." She lost her words again.

"Listen, Ariana. You can't tell anyone yet. Especially Vashiel."

"You haven't told Vashiel?"

"No. With Trallos constantly around, I don't think it'd be a good idea. You're the first person I've told."

"So... How long have you known that you've been quantum-leaping instead of reminiscing?" Her classic smile showed itself for the first time in months. Everything had just clicked for her, I knew it. All these years I've been growing distant, she suddenly, finally understood. But instead of chastising me for all the grief I'd put her through, she simply wanted to geek-out. In other words, her curiosity had taken over every other impulse, and she was Ariana again.

"About two years now." I laughed giddily. It felt great to be telling somebody about this. I mean a flesh-and-blood somebody and not a ghostly figure in my all-too-real dreams.

"Two years!?" Her smile disappeared. "TWO YEARS!?" Oh. Her outrage was more than a little evident. Pavol was probably awake now. "You're telling me that you kept this a secret for two entire years!? You kept it from me, Eathös!" I had misinterpreted her previous smile. She was curious, I got that right, but she hadn't made the connection between my secret and our strained relationship. But the connection, the reason I kept the secret, was pretty ridiculous.

"I couldn't tell you." I spoke in a soft tone as I tried to calm her down. "I was not allowed to tell you."

Her expression changed. She looked worried now. "You were not allowed? By whom? You said I was the first person you've told about this..."

"You are. He's... Well, he's not really a person." Once again, I found I was trying to avoid conversation. I didn't even mean to. It just happens naturally now.

Her frustration was deserved. I had been skirting her deep questions for far too long. Her disappointment in my self-isolation was becoming enough to make her want to kill me. "Eathös... You're going to tell me or I am going to throw you through the wall."

As if this moment needed more tension, Pavol and Meltri were now standing at the door. "Uh... Hey, E-Man..." Pavol apparently had heard Ariana's threat. "What's going on?"

Ariana turned around to glare at him, "Nothing." Pavol backed away slowly. Meltri lingered, "Eathös, if she kills you, I will... uhh... have Pavol do that thing with his claws where he pins someone to a wall by holding their neck... to her..." She was somewhat serious. Ariana was somewhat very inflamed.

"Why don't you mind your own affairs!?" She took a step toward them. They vanished. I grabbed her arm and pulled her back to sit down.

"Please calm down. I know you're mad at me for basically ignoring you, but I'm talking to you now..."

She sighed. "I'm not mad at you for ignoring me. Well, I am... But I got over that a long time ago."

"Then why are you yelling at me?"

"For a lot of reasons. But none that really make sense. I'm being emotional. You know, like a girl."

"No way..." I rubbed her shoulder. She seemed to relax a bit more, even smile.

"Believe it. I couldn't bottle it up indefinitely. You've just been so... frustrating."

"I know."

"You had to be so... Annoyingly isolated."

"I know."

"All... Secretive and whatnot..."

"Yeah."

"Why? Because you were told to? By a non-person???"

"Okay." I rubbed my eyes. I was suddenly very tired. Yet, I was excited to tell her everything. It was time now. It's vital for her to know now, anyway. "Can I explain everything... tomorrow?"

"You're not gonna bail out of this conversation, Eathös. I've always known you were holding something back. You have no idea how long I've been dying to hear you come clean..."

"Hey... Do you remember how long it took you to tell me about all of your secrets? I will tell you. I want to tell you. But you have no idea how much energy time-travel can drain."

She groaned. "Apparently not." I have to admire her. No one is more patient, it seems. "But you must promise that you're gonna tell me everything."

"I promise."

"Forever?"

"Ariana, I never wanted to keep anything from you. Trust me, I will explain it all in the morning. Over breakfast." Her reply was a wide smile, but she couldn't speak. Tears formed in her eyes as she gasped and embraced me. She had never held me so tightly before. Her sobs heaved through her chest and I found that I could not keep from sobbing myself. No tears, though. That's no longer possible. But I'll tell her about that tomorrow.

"Do you remember the last time we had breakfast together?" She whispered against my neck.

I tried to remember, but it has been so long. "Huh. I don't think I do."

"Four years ago. Fredona bars. In Frandere's old shuttle. We weren't technically alone, but for a moment Frandere stepped out for fresh air and Vashiel was sound asleep. We talked about the recorded message I sent to you when I left... Do you remember that?"

"Wow... That was only four years ago?" I let out a soft laugh. Those days were so much simpler. Those days were before we knew what was happening. Before I knew the fate of the universe.

"Yeah." She unwrapped her arms from me and leaned back, "Those days were a lot simpler." I laughed again. Man, I missed her.

"We only have a few more days until we arrive. I don't want these days to go to waste." For the first time in long, long time, I found myself truly in-the-moment. My head wasn't plagued by the future or past. I was taking this all in. Taking her all in. As she leaned into me, I savored her warmth. No matter what the future will bring, no matter what happens, if the dimension implodes and the worlds collapse, if all I know and love will be lost in eternity... I'll always have right now.

No revelation, no thought could be more relieving...